Solve a knotty issue

There's another angle to compatibility that's being considered these days. GEETA PADMANABHAN on how a medical horoscope can make or mar a marriage

February 17, 2010 07:33 pm | Updated 07:34 pm IST

ASK YOUR DOC:  A medical check-up can prevent an unhappy marriage  Photo: AFP

ASK YOUR DOC: A medical check-up can prevent an unhappy marriage Photo: AFP

Some forty years ago, when Parimala Shekar went looking for “nice” boys for her three daughters, she used a well-established system of background check. As panditji matched the horoscopes, she asked: “Does he have a long life? Is he healthy?” She also spoke to friends and relatives who knew the groom's family. “Does a genetic disorder run in their khandaan ?” The investigation then moved to the “boy's” workplace. Boss and colleagues were grilled discreetly. “Does he smoke? Has bad habits?” A suitable boy had to meet her behaviour bar. “My pre-nuptial efforts worked,” she smiled. “All three girls married well.”

Unacceptable, in our era of “personal choice”. We define suitability in terms of compatibility. We tick items on a “What-I-look-for-in-a-soulmate” list before we say “I will”. Yet, marriages fail, divorce rates are climbing. Is there another angle to compatibility? Like hospital records?

“Medical problems may pose a serious threat to a successful marriage,” said Dr. M. Mohan Rao, Director, Dr. U Mohan Rau Memorial Hospital. “Youngsters are often ill-informed about their sexuality and sexual health management. Apprehensive brides and grooms approach us with questions, many of which relate to sexuality.” Subtle medical problems, detected before the event, can be rectified by medication or minor surgery, so get a “medical horoscope” done, he says. “Making and matching it could be the crucial last lap before marriage.”

Medical check-up, a must

A medical examination is now mandatory for a host of standard activities, Dr. Rao points out. “Even a casual labourer's job overseas requires a medical fitness certificate. How come MFC isn't insisted on before a marriage?” Dr. Ishwar Gilada, HIV Consultant and Honorary Secretary, People's Health Organisation and Aids Society of India has said, “I am in favour of a complete pre-marriage medical check-up rather than only an HIV test. It should include all possible tests for all blood groups. This way, you ensure better medical compatibility between partners.” The Forum Against Oppression of Women suggests a disclosure clause in the marriage registration form. A question along the lines of “Have you revealed your HIV status to your prospective spouse?” must be compulsorily answered, it says. “The marriage registrar doesn't need to know, but the person should have communicated his/her HIV status with the to-be spouse.”

A must-do med profile? The issue is too complex to have a simple yes or no, says gynaecologist Dr. Nirmala Jayshankar. Narrating an experience, she said, “This boy and girl had decided to marry when the guy met with an accident. He had blood transfusion and ended up as HIV+. He told her about it and she married him anyway.” If he/she looks healthy, why insist on it and jeopardise the relationship, she asked. Isn't our attitude towards marriage and partner more important than a medical check-up? Adopt a common sense approach, she said. “Girls have been rejected after parents disclosed details of minor and harmless procedures.” She isn't contesting coming clean on major ailments. Impotence and infertility must be made known. “It's a question of integrity,” she said. “Renal transplant or diabetes must be revealed. These are life equations.”

Helps clear the air

“In a society that blames women alone for childlessness, a check-up will help clear the air,” said Dr. Rao. Women should make that appointment with a gynaec for a pap smear and a pelvic exam. Undiagnosed sexually transmitted diseases can have a devastating effect on childbirth. “Proper counselling of the bride, groom and close relatives by the doctor is a must.”

In conversations, young men and women agree a medical horoscope is a necessity considering our changed perceptions about pre-marital sex. It may also clear misconceptions about lifestyle disorders. And it's only fair that the foundation for a relationship with a person is anchored in honesty. “Isn't a regular check-up necessary for all of us?” asked Mauna, 25, “given our lifestyle and the muck we take as food? It's not an all-clear for the marriage but I go through it to make sure I'm fine.” When you plan to live with him why not insist on his keeping himself fit? It shows care. “Aren't we committed to each other in all ways possible? Ok if you call it selfish.”

Ideally, casting a medical horoscope should be a voluntary effort rather than one imposed by authority. Laws on personal life have a tendency to stay as talking points. They never win awards for implementation.

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